RETARD ME.

Now I am writing again. I have been out the last few months mainly because my life is such a boring routine. Not until a few weeks ago that it turned up side down. My inspiration was always my downs. Seldom my ups and never the middle. I have been waiting to write again and this is it now. Now that my senses and nerves are at its peak again. Heck, I feel such a stranger to my emotions. I am completely lost. This is soo overwhelming. Errr.

As I have said, my routine life turned a big 360 degrees. Things have been fast changing and it is catching me off guard. What has been so simple is now complicated as complicated can be. I am now problematic. Yes, I have been wishing for some change, and now it is granted. I just can’t believe it is how it is now. Er.

BEWARE OF WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOU WILL GET IT.

It sucks! Retard Level 100. This is totally eating me up! Whoa!

A letter to Juliet

Dear Juliet,

Why is it happening? I really feel terribly stupid. I just took someone for granted for somebody who have just taken me for granted. Why can’t I just love the one who loves me? Can I? I wish I knew how to cause I definitely will. If I can only teach my heart. Love is just so complicated and it really is hard for me right now. I wish I knew what to do. Help me..

Letters from the attic.

I have so many things I want to say to different people but I just don’t have the will to. And sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. So I’ll just write it here just to lessen the burden I’ve been carrying..

LETTER # 1:

Dear K,

I’m sorry. Yes, I really am. Have I taken you for granted? I must confess, I cared less than you do to me. And now, I am embarrassed and sorry for myself after what I have done. I just lost a precious gem in my tiny treasure box. And somebody had already picked it up and I can’t even get it back cause it’s not mine. It never were. For when I had this stone, I immediately throw it off like some trash without even realizing how precious it is. I am sorry for my impulsiveness. I always am. And this time, it is causing me such a pain. I can do nothing. It’s my fault, and now I have to accept the consequences. How I wish I had given it a try. Stupid, that’s me. Heck! Again, I am sorry…

LETTER # 2:

Dear R,

Hey! You’re such a retard, and definitely a pain in my ass! I can’t imagine how I had taken him for granted just because of you. Why of all people, it is you that can make me laugh so easily. Why is it you that can make my world stop without me knowing it. Why isn’t it he? And now I am hurting cause your eyes were never locked on mine. Yours were staring afar. So distant, you haven’t even notice I am in front of you. How I wish she was I or simply he was you. Oh goodness, I am a retard too, just like you..

LETTER # 3:

Dear me,

Spell STUPID, its Y-O-U! Now your hurting cause you just chosen the wrong-est person ever. You didn’t even tried to think! Such recklessness will only help you achieve nothing. Can you please grow up? Do you want it to happen again? So you want a de ja vu, eh? Know what? Idiocity kills! Damn it. Now your left alone. Where’s the lessons momma taught you? Probably in your stupid ass! Grow up, dude. GROW UP!!

damn.

looking at his pictures makes me want him more. and honestly, i don’t get any pleasure from it. damn. damn. damn.

VISION :)

I will become a respected leader in the IT industry not just known for my innovativeness, dedication, and hard work but as someone who have touched the lives of as many people as possible by empowering them to achieve happiness and satisfaction in their lives and their respective careers. My friends and I will put up a foundation that will shelter homeless children and elders, and will give opportunity for those deserving people who wanted to have a good education. I will travel the world as much as I can and embrace the beauty of it. I will have a happy and peaceful family – loving husband, beautiful children, lovely grandchildren, wonderful great grandchildren; Most of all, I will be completely happy and satisfied with my life that I will be able to say, “Been there, done that!”.

OWD!

OVERWHELMED. Someone hacked my facebook account. He chats with my online friends and talks about unscrupulous and immoral stuffs. Danggit!

TIRED. Im not physically tired, but my soul and mind is. I need a good break.

CONFUSED. I have no idea why my smart does not deduct my internet browsing from my broadband load. But it’s nice. Really really nice..

FORESEEN. I think i’m gonna be sick. I need to be ready..

DONE. Im done watching Dexter Season1. Love its ending. :p

OVEREXCITED. I thought I can now use my downloaded deskscapes2.0.. turns out the given email address and serial number doesn’t match. err..

FRUSTRATED. i cant find a crack for my deskscape. arghh..

HUNGRY. im hungry but i don’t like the food. maarte.

IMPATIENT. my torrent download is sooo slow.. can’t wait!

Hey Wednesday!

I soo love Wednesdays!! Wednesday is the best day of the week for me this semester. It always gives me a blast! I am so eager going to school every Wednesday. On this day of the week, my class is only half day and I only have one class to attend! I also have the opportunity to rest more and eat a lot. I badly wanted to gain some weight. And most of all, I’ve got to see him! We have the same schedule every Wednesday, and with that, I can assure myself of having a glimpse of him once a week at the very least! Lmao. It might sound silly and cheesy, nay, it’s still intoxicating to think of. Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Today is Wednesday. My professor dismissed our class early. Nice, eh? Their professor is absent. He was on the floor lobby, that’s my way where my ex-classmates are seated. My ex-classmates called me the time they saw me. And there he was in front of me for a moment. I just don’t have a glimpse. I got to see him for many minutes. He. He. And I even catch him looking at me. Though that was the end of it, I am so much satisfied for now. Lmao. Sounds so puppy love-ish? Ha. Ha. Ha. It is still fun to bring back that certain time. So cute! xD

Hey Tuesday!

What’s pride and prejudice on a family whose eagerness on their daughter’s getting married is at the top? At first, I don’t understand its point. Along with its epistaxic lines on 62 chapters, I already thought of giving up reading it. Then, my fondness on reading made me finish the book. And i liked it! I got used to its way of writing and enjoyed it to the fullest. It really shows how people frequently have wrong impressions on someone because of their opinions beforehand. It has been a disadvantage to us on meeting great people. We base our civility to them on how they look without knowing their real personalities. Some people tend to act a bit different to strangers from their kins and cliques. And as preformed opinions are made by onlookers, those people are hindered to show who they really are. Along the prejudices is people’s pride of themselves. They have a tendency of having a feeling of superiority to others. This so-called pride will prevent them from making friends as well. Pride is either good or bad. It depends on how it was meant. Having pride on something you ought to have some is good, like taking great pride on your work, yet when it already teaches you to have a haughty attitude it becomes the otherwise. I liked how the author combined pride from prejudice. It is a nice mix. A lot of things can be learned on this novel. We, people, are frequently unknowledgeable when we give certain opinions with knowing nothing factual on the subject as well as when we have our pride up. We just notice it when it was us who was given a biased opinion. It is a human nature, I think. We might try not to be like that, but then it just happens.

bipolar.

soo crazy. at one point, i feel calm, relaxed, happy and satisfied. then after an hour or so as i am surfing the net, i feel so frustrated.

ugh. soo soo soo crazy, right?

this is such a noob!

from a happy girl, i am starting to be a perturbed lady..

tsss…

so strange. why is this happening to me?

i knew myself to be a jolly and lively person. now what?

i am always gloomy and sad and blue and down and all. hwooaaa!

since i tried to be a little serious with much more finesse than the usual me, i started to act like this.

as if i have all the burden a human can have. most of the time, down down down and down.

i haven’t been truly happy since then…

 

 

wake me up from this terrifying nightmare!

lucklustre. boring. dull. and all.

the title merely explains everything. the day was soo ordinary. boring. hate it. i have this awkward feeling that i am waiting for something. someone maybe. i don’t know. there is something i want but i knew none of it. so strange. my day’s is welcomed by mediocrity and i’m foreseeing it’ll be the same tonight before i close my eyes.

 

what is it? why am i feeling this? i feel so empty. emo may it sound but that’s how i feel today. positively, i may be lively and vivacious tomorrow. really hope so.

 

i observed how emo i am these past few days. alot of my posts on different sites including this are all about my gloomy feeling. duh. another emotional crap. hate it. tsk. tsk. tsk. it is always a big sigh. when will it be a big smile??

 

i should regain my composure again. really don’t like this feeling.